Dear Blog,
I know I can vent out my feelings penning down here but I refrain myself from doing that. I am usually the silent types and the other times I simply try to ignore things. I feel like muttering something but I am not able to do so most of the times. Know why..?? I don't remember last time when someone close understood what I am trying to convey. I think the world today is so superficial that you should know how to put forward your thoughts in a rosy way. But I being a simple, straightforward person don't know how to express myself using the right words which others want to hear. It is always better to avoid an argument than to begin it. There is something about myself that I love and that is my simplicity but I don't think this quality is much appreciated in today's world. You should learn how to be politically correct or learn how to use proper adjectives, otherwise you end up becoming a fool. Times have changed and they urge me also to change but I cannot, I simply CAN'T. I try to manage a SMILE on my face when I am dying deep inside.
Things for me have changed enough and they are no longer same as they used to be. The very next day when I entered the wedlock, from being a daddy's li'l girl, I became a BIG girl. Life has been moving so very fast ever since then. The person who was treated like a small kid now had all the responsibilities of wife, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, maami, chaachi to name a few. But in all the rush, many a times people forget that a girl who had always since birth held responsibilities of a daughter/ sister can't become proficient enough in delivering each and everything. It takes time to understand things, culture, family and more importantly everyone's expectations. I might not have met everyone's expectations but I just want to understand that trying to meet them doesn't matter at all??
Being at the age of '25' when you're just too young to understand the complexities of life, I held an important position at my workplace, I was admired and appreciated by people who were older than me. With my hard work, tireless worth ethic; in no time I made a mark for myself in the organization. I never tried manipulating things even at workplace as I have a strong belief of doing things in a simple way and make everyone's life easy. When you're active in all the activities at workplace and suddenly your activities come to a halt, it really bring jitters. My mind was not tuned in a way that I'll have to wait for 7-8 months to be able to start working again. After coming to US, when I thought I can position my resume in the job market; I was told about the rules, regulations and policies in detail. This gave me a BIG setback as I always thought of joining a job immediately after wedding. Its feels so frustrated to be sitting at home doing all the monotonous activities and on the top of it when no one appreciates you for the work done, you're bound to break down.
Being a girl, I am not allowed to express my opinions/ feelings freely, I am not allowed to ask any questions, I am not allowed to get angry, even if I am emotionally deep hurt inside; I am bound to keep a "BIG" smile on my face because I am a robot or a machine and not a human being. I am tuned in to do what others want/ like me to do. It really kills me when I get such treatment because of no fault of mine. I can't even discuss my frustration with anyone because that would not be taken care of and I'll again be accused of not talking properly/ not behaving the way a girl should. If people have to put labels to whatever the girl says, why do they desire a life partner. Life partner is your soul mate which means "the other you"- the one with whom you can share your deepest feelings without any fear or doubt of being judged, the one with whom you take vows of spending your life in happiness and in pain, the one with whom even if you argue or your point of view differs, you know that person will be there for you through all odds and is your significant other. In the hustle bustle of life, people start taking you for granted and treat you the way you shouldn't be treated.
How would you feel if some body who should be lifting you up when you're down always demotivates you and at the end says 'Don't worry, I'll be there at your back always"! Why is it that these words hold true in good times but not when you're going through a rough phase of life. When you're just starting to know each other, if somebody comments on your skin tone; how would you really feel? This notion had been made very clear in my mind that it is just the looks and the skin tone that you carry matters. People like you if you've flawless looks! Being from a simple family, where people think that the world is much above your appearance and inner soul and beauty is all that matters, my dressing sense was just too casual unlike the girls of my age who gave their best shots to look hip-hop by applying layers of makeup. I was all this time getting into the inferiority complex of not being liked by people because I did not have that X-factor in me. My notions were getting stronger by each passing day as I used to listen one or two comments about my skin and looks. But I think because I had my family support and also work used to keep me engaged that I kind of started ignoring the comments made on me. The exposure to the new challenges at workplace was creating a new me where I knew that I had something that most of the people lagged! That was my sense of 'observation, interpretation' and my 'intellect'. I was scoring high on "the being sensible" than most of the lasses around.
How do you rebuild that similar confidence in you when almost each day you're taunted for no or little fault of yours and when you're demotivated to the extent that your life loses its meaning for you. Whom do you talk to? The people who claim to be by your side but walk away when you really need them ? You don't have anyone with whom you can speak your heart out. The frustrated feelings get piled up in the heart and make you feel that there is no meaning to life after the milestone of life called "getting married".
Bachelor life is so much fun. Being mature enough to know when you have to act immature. Not regretting the mistakes you did but regretting when you were caught for them. Living in your own dream castle and getting the reality bites. Crying over once bitten by them. Getting family support even when you know deep inside that you are not very right. The fact is one is lost in his/ her own small world and look out for all the possible reasons to smile! Happy Smiles and a Happy Life! :)
Such is life, you can not go back and relive it. You have to constantly keep looking forward for the new milestones the life has to offer. Being strong is the only choice that you've and its well said ' When the times are rough, even your loved ones will never understand you', so I think when the times will get brighter; the things will start falling in place. Never leave the hand which you hold once and never treat others the way you don't want to be treated.
I know I can vent out my feelings penning down here but I refrain myself from doing that. I am usually the silent types and the other times I simply try to ignore things. I feel like muttering something but I am not able to do so most of the times. Know why..?? I don't remember last time when someone close understood what I am trying to convey. I think the world today is so superficial that you should know how to put forward your thoughts in a rosy way. But I being a simple, straightforward person don't know how to express myself using the right words which others want to hear. It is always better to avoid an argument than to begin it. There is something about myself that I love and that is my simplicity but I don't think this quality is much appreciated in today's world. You should learn how to be politically correct or learn how to use proper adjectives, otherwise you end up becoming a fool. Times have changed and they urge me also to change but I cannot, I simply CAN'T. I try to manage a SMILE on my face when I am dying deep inside.
Things for me have changed enough and they are no longer same as they used to be. The very next day when I entered the wedlock, from being a daddy's li'l girl, I became a BIG girl. Life has been moving so very fast ever since then. The person who was treated like a small kid now had all the responsibilities of wife, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, maami, chaachi to name a few. But in all the rush, many a times people forget that a girl who had always since birth held responsibilities of a daughter/ sister can't become proficient enough in delivering each and everything. It takes time to understand things, culture, family and more importantly everyone's expectations. I might not have met everyone's expectations but I just want to understand that trying to meet them doesn't matter at all??
Being at the age of '25' when you're just too young to understand the complexities of life, I held an important position at my workplace, I was admired and appreciated by people who were older than me. With my hard work, tireless worth ethic; in no time I made a mark for myself in the organization. I never tried manipulating things even at workplace as I have a strong belief of doing things in a simple way and make everyone's life easy. When you're active in all the activities at workplace and suddenly your activities come to a halt, it really bring jitters. My mind was not tuned in a way that I'll have to wait for 7-8 months to be able to start working again. After coming to US, when I thought I can position my resume in the job market; I was told about the rules, regulations and policies in detail. This gave me a BIG setback as I always thought of joining a job immediately after wedding. Its feels so frustrated to be sitting at home doing all the monotonous activities and on the top of it when no one appreciates you for the work done, you're bound to break down.
Being a girl, I am not allowed to express my opinions/ feelings freely, I am not allowed to ask any questions, I am not allowed to get angry, even if I am emotionally deep hurt inside; I am bound to keep a "BIG" smile on my face because I am a robot or a machine and not a human being. I am tuned in to do what others want/ like me to do. It really kills me when I get such treatment because of no fault of mine. I can't even discuss my frustration with anyone because that would not be taken care of and I'll again be accused of not talking properly/ not behaving the way a girl should. If people have to put labels to whatever the girl says, why do they desire a life partner. Life partner is your soul mate which means "the other you"- the one with whom you can share your deepest feelings without any fear or doubt of being judged, the one with whom you take vows of spending your life in happiness and in pain, the one with whom even if you argue or your point of view differs, you know that person will be there for you through all odds and is your significant other. In the hustle bustle of life, people start taking you for granted and treat you the way you shouldn't be treated.
How would you feel if some body who should be lifting you up when you're down always demotivates you and at the end says 'Don't worry, I'll be there at your back always"! Why is it that these words hold true in good times but not when you're going through a rough phase of life. When you're just starting to know each other, if somebody comments on your skin tone; how would you really feel? This notion had been made very clear in my mind that it is just the looks and the skin tone that you carry matters. People like you if you've flawless looks! Being from a simple family, where people think that the world is much above your appearance and inner soul and beauty is all that matters, my dressing sense was just too casual unlike the girls of my age who gave their best shots to look hip-hop by applying layers of makeup. I was all this time getting into the inferiority complex of not being liked by people because I did not have that X-factor in me. My notions were getting stronger by each passing day as I used to listen one or two comments about my skin and looks. But I think because I had my family support and also work used to keep me engaged that I kind of started ignoring the comments made on me. The exposure to the new challenges at workplace was creating a new me where I knew that I had something that most of the people lagged! That was my sense of 'observation, interpretation' and my 'intellect'. I was scoring high on "the being sensible" than most of the lasses around.
How do you rebuild that similar confidence in you when almost each day you're taunted for no or little fault of yours and when you're demotivated to the extent that your life loses its meaning for you. Whom do you talk to? The people who claim to be by your side but walk away when you really need them ? You don't have anyone with whom you can speak your heart out. The frustrated feelings get piled up in the heart and make you feel that there is no meaning to life after the milestone of life called "getting married".
Bachelor life is so much fun. Being mature enough to know when you have to act immature. Not regretting the mistakes you did but regretting when you were caught for them. Living in your own dream castle and getting the reality bites. Crying over once bitten by them. Getting family support even when you know deep inside that you are not very right. The fact is one is lost in his/ her own small world and look out for all the possible reasons to smile! Happy Smiles and a Happy Life! :)
Such is life, you can not go back and relive it. You have to constantly keep looking forward for the new milestones the life has to offer. Being strong is the only choice that you've and its well said ' When the times are rough, even your loved ones will never understand you', so I think when the times will get brighter; the things will start falling in place. Never leave the hand which you hold once and never treat others the way you don't want to be treated.
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